Reunited & It Feels So...Weird?

Oh hey. Long time no blog.
Still alive. So that's good. 

I figured, what better time to blog
then the day I see my long lost ex?!

Yes, the one who met Julie.
Take a read. It's a good one.

And by good one, I mean depressing.
But in a funny, sarcastic way of course. 

Anyways, I saw him today.
He left for China about two years ago
and basically never came back. 

We stopped talking
and he sort of feel off the face
of my earth. 

I was blocked on Facebook
(yay jelly girlfriends)
and he became nonexistent in my life.

That is until friends brought him up
or things reminded me of him…
So, kind of all the time.

And while I'm in a relationship now,
finally snagged a good one,
I still couldn't get him out of my head.

Not so much a,
I want to get back together with him,
but a, I never got closure and
I wonder how he is, thoughts.

Welp, today was my day to close that book.
And I think I did. 

Meeting up with an ex is nerve wracking.
Meeting up with an ex you haven't seen
in two years because he's in another country
made me want to puke.

I walked in and it was like nothing had changed.
I didn't have the butterflies 
I thought I would after all that time. 

It was relaxing. Chill. Good.
But also weird. 

Sure, it felt the same but this was 
a totally different guy in front of me.

A guy I once thought I would be with
and now he's living with another girl
in another country.

A guy who knew everything about me
and could still name my entire family today
as if he saw them all the time.

A guy who broke my heart in a way
I thought no one could and still
could make me laugh again.

Weird.

Like we were back in time
but everything had changed
and everyone had moved on.

I know, this makes no sense
which is why I can't make sense of it.

I wanted to walk away from this with closure
and part of me did but the other part
didn't even feel phased.

It is what it is. 

Time keeps moving and you
either go along with it
or you stay in the past and
never live life to its fullest.

I've kept moving
through it all but today 
it felt like I was holding on.

Trying to keep something alive
that was so clearly gone.

So yeah, it was weird.
But at the same time,
I got to see an old friend again. 
And that felt great.

Is Social Media Stalking the New 1st Date?

I messaged him on Facebook, he followed me on Instagram, 
I subscribed to his YouTube page, he friended me on Facebook, 
I followed him on Twitter and then he texted me. 

All of this just to stalk one another 
only to find out he has a girlfriend. 

Why go through the trouble of getting to know the social media side 
of someone when that’s just who they want you to think they are?

Unless you consider FBO friendships to be the real deal 
then this guy and I are social media BFF’s! 

Hell, we are practically internet married 
with all of the commitment and time we spent friending, 
subscribing and following each other. 

So why is social media the go to medium 
when it comes to meeting people these days? 

It’s simple; 
you can investigate before you get into anything!

Before the internet and cell phones, 
yes- that time did exist, 
people actually met face to face! 

But now everyone (including me) 
hides behind computer screens and smart phones. 

Online dating is a perfect example- 
I recently got into the online dating scene and it’s a love/hate relationship. 

I love the fact that I can check out their grammar, 
what they’re interested in and their “details” i.e. 
how tall they are, if they smoke or whether or not they want kids. 

All things you could find out by actually meeting them, 
but instead you can do it without the awkward back and forth questions. 

You can go through a list of guys until you find your “perfect match.” 
But are they really your “perfect match” or 
just the best sounding option?

I have found out that it’s not all about what you think you want 
and who would be the best option as a mate, 
because I have had some great contenders- 
such as my secure firefighter that has strong career goals, 
a house, a dog and even a boat! 

Total package right? 
Maybe for someone, just not for me. 

Don’t get me wrong, 
I would love to have the total package in a significant other, 
but you need to find someone that makes you better 
not just the one that comes off better on paper.

It is a rare find, but they do exist. 

I found one once but he didn’t know what he wanted 
to do with his life, had zero saved for his future, 
and was afraid of growing up. 

For most girls this not an ideal match, 
but the fact that he made me a better person 
than I ever thought I could be, 
I don’t think I could ever stop loving him. 

Will we ever be together again? 
Who knows, but until then- 
online dating, I’m here to stay!

But a Monkey Could Do That...

You know people appreciate you

when they take the time to send you memes.

I mean, do you know the effort it takes to Google, 

search through photos, copy, paste & send those things?!

About 5 minutes.

And those 5 minutes could be spent doing real work.

But when you're determined to make someones

day, you sacrifice those precious minutes!

Lucky me, I was awarded one of those memes today.

But first, some background.

My job is in social media.

Yes, it's a real job…

And yes, I'm on Facebook all day.

I'm living the life basically.

Due to this, some people make fun of me.

AKA saying anyone could do my job.

Which, if you're in social media, it's a lot harder than it looks!

Anyways…I asked a co-worker for help today &

jokingly asked him to write a tweet for me.

Being the "kind" person that he is, he actually did it!

Makes my life easier…

After I told him I was only joking, he sent me this -

To which I said,

"That would be amazing if you just found this vs. made it. Such is my life…"

And then he responded with - 

I laughed out loud when I saw that email. 

And then wrote - 

"This is hilarious. Thank you for making me feel useless, 

yet appreciated at the same time?"

Yes, that is a question because I'm still

deciding how serious he is about the whole

monkey doing my job thing…

But until they can find a monkey that can do what I do 

(which is way more impressive & probably costs more than me) 

I guess I'm needed in this position.

What a way to start a Wednesday!

It's almost the weekend. It's almost the weekend.

It's almost the weekend...

My Co-Workers Are Killin Me

It's funny how we all remember things differently.

About this time last year, 

I was ending things with a long-time love.

Something I'm trying not to think about

but it was just brought up to me.

Fun/surprising fact about me: I'm not a sharer. 

Especially at work.

Why would I tell my co-workers about my heart-break?

It was one of the most painful & depressing points in my life -

 no one actually wants to hear about that.

Including co-workers. Even though they are pretty nosey...

So, it was bound to happen.

And it happened at a department lunch.

Because that's the best time to tell people news like that.

Right?

There were about six of us sitting at a sushi restaurant,

 talking about our boss who just announced she was leaving.

Someone either asked if anything else big was happening

or asked about my relationship.

I guess I've blocked it out of my mind or my

memory really does suck that much.

Either way, I said,

"Oh yeah, we broke up."

Very nonchalant. 

Like it was NBD.

That's when everyone freaked.

Especially the guy next to me who

always knew everything before everyone else.

Except this.

That reaction at least gave me a good laugh.

I try not to think about this time last year

but a lovely co-worker reminded me of it today.

"Just reminiscing about last year. We were talking about

my bday lunch."

As soon as he said that, I knew where he was going

and what he wanted to say.

"Remember when you dropped that bomb on us?!"

He didn't actually say that last part

but I called him out for bringing up a horrible

time in my life.

To which he asked about my current boyfriend.

Oh co-workers.

And even though this co-worker likes to torture me

with the ridiculousness of my past, 

they all really helped me get through a shitty life patch.

I'm lucky to say my department consists of

good friends - not just people I have to talk to.

So, thank you.

And I'm Back

I realized - 

I've been really fucking depressing lately.

As far as blog posts go…

I use to have such funny experiences.

Ridiculous dates.

Embarrassing stories.

And then I went and fell in love.

And got my heart broken.

And become a depressing ass person.

I'm sorry.

But also, not sorry.

As boring as these last few posts probably were to read, 

I did hear feedback from ladies

going through the same thing that could relate.

So, at least two people appreciated

my downfall of words.

But now I'm back

(kinda)

and ready to finally write in my blog.

But it's not just relation-shits anymore.

For now.

I've moved to Colorado

and currently learning how to 

make friends.

Which feels more like hitting on people…

mainly girls.

My life is ridiculous.

But it feels good to blog again and I'm ready to let it out

because "do you know what happens to people

who keep it all inside?

They get old, they get sad and they get weird."

Thank you Jess.