The One Who's Not Normal

Like I said, dating makes me cringe.
And after coming out of a pretty long/significant relationship,
(now relation-shit)
I really have zero desire to date.

I'm just not ready.
But I think someone once said
"face your fears!"
and "don't hold yourselves back!"

So, I went for it.
I went on a "date"
Eh, I'd rather call it a meeting.
That involved one alcoholic beverage.

But I should have listened to myself.
I should have held myself back.
Because I was just called "not normal" on a 1st date.

Yes, not normal.

I pride myself on not being like other people.
I'm awkward. I'm sarcastic in the best way possible.
I'm a goofball that has somewhat social anxiety.

Obviously the perfect person to go on a date with.

And he apparently picked up on that.
Even though he could not pin point which
box of society I fit into -
which I told him that I'm too progressive
and unique for that.

Either way, he still tried to fit me in a box 
up until the bill came.

Focus - the reason I'm not normal is
because I "go with the flow."
He obviously does not know me very well.

I think I just knew there would be no second date
so I didn't care enough to be nervous.

He was a nice guy,
minus trying to define me,
but I don't think I can have feelings for anyone yet.

I know, oh woah is me.
So depressing.
But hey, give a girl a break.

No one likes seeing an ex with a new flame
all over Facebook
or know that this is the end of something
you held onto for so long.

I'm sad and I think that's okay.
At least for right now.

Life is beautiful and we get distracted by
small things we have no control over.

I've been lucky to find amazing people throughout my life.
Some are gone, some I've lost touch with
and some I've had a falling out with.

But they've all played a significant part and they've 
shaped things in my life, whether I realize or not.

We are all just trying to figure this world out
and sometimes it's not what you thought it would be,
even with the best, most thought out plans.

But everything happens for a reason.
Things will get easier.
I doubt I will ever enjoy dating
because it's just so awkward.

Or maybe I'm just awkward.

Until then, I'm going to focus on celebrating
25 wonderfully, ridiculous years of my life!

Ali's 25th Great Gatsby Bash here I come!

I love Leo...

The One Who Met Julie

Friends.
Can't live with them.
Can't imagine life without them.

Unless they are an ex.
Then maybe you could live without them.
Or at least without being Facebook friends.
You know, real friendship status.

The other kind of "Friends" I love
can be found on Netflix starting Jan 1st.

Well, there's a "Friends" episode 
where Rachel finally realizes she loves Ross.

Took her long enough…

Ross is coming back from China 
and Rachel decides to meet him at the airport 
to confess her love.

She sees him getting off the plane 
but there's a girl with him.

Julie.

Turns out Ross met someone. 
In China. 
And brought her back.

Rachel, obviously blind sided, 
gives one of the best lines I've heard from the show -

"Isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic?!"

Welcome to my life.

Yes, I actually got to say that line recently.

Why?

Oh, because my Ross found his Julie in China.

And they are now FBO. 

Yes, even the profile picture.

So, this makes me Rachel.

The girl who told him to go to China.

The one who thought it would work out when he came home.

Well, surprise!

We have a Julie.

I thought I was okay.

I thought I accepted that he met someone.

At least that's what my last blog post said.

Turn's out, 

I'm not okay.

You really don't realize how much someone means to you 

until they leave. And right now, I feel like I have nothing.

I lost my person.

My best friend.

My second family.

And now, a month after we decided to take some time apart,

after building something for seven years,

he's already found his Julie.

Someone he would rather talk to about life.

Share experiences with.

Be around and care about

It only took him a month.

And everyone who has reached out says,

"Go out and find someone better" 

"You should just Tinder."

Yeah, no.

I can't even imagine going on a date with someone.

It actually makes me cringe.

The definition of moving on should not be finding someone new.

It should be learning to love yourself 

without having someone there for you.

And that's what I'm trying to do.

Love myself and tell myself that I would need 

a hell of a lot longer than one month to get over this.

Because I do wear my heart on my sleeve.

I may be dead inside but I care so much about other people

that I would rather them be happy than me.

Thus, why I could never say anything bad about my Ross.

Yes, he broke my heart. 

To a point where I just feel nothing but pain.

I'm hurt that he could ever make me feel this way

because I thought it wasn't possible.

Because if someone truly cares about you, how could they do this?

How could they make you feel like nothing?

Like it was so easy for them to move on from you?

I honestly don't know or understand.

I'm still searching for answers.

I'm trying to focus on myself, family and friends

but of course with the holiday's creeping up on us

all I think about is the past.

It's like I'm morning the loss of someone,

which is really pathetic.

He's alive.

He's just living his life with someone else now.

His Julie.

Fucking Julie…