The One Who's Not Normal

Like I said, dating makes me cringe.
And after coming out of a pretty long/significant relationship,
(now relation-shit)
I really have zero desire to date.

I'm just not ready.
But I think someone once said
"face your fears!"
and "don't hold yourselves back!"

So, I went for it.
I went on a "date"
Eh, I'd rather call it a meeting.
That involved one alcoholic beverage.

But I should have listened to myself.
I should have held myself back.
Because I was just called "not normal" on a 1st date.

Yes, not normal.

I pride myself on not being like other people.
I'm awkward. I'm sarcastic in the best way possible.
I'm a goofball that has somewhat social anxiety.

Obviously the perfect person to go on a date with.

And he apparently picked up on that.
Even though he could not pin point which
box of society I fit into -
which I told him that I'm too progressive
and unique for that.

Either way, he still tried to fit me in a box 
up until the bill came.

Focus - the reason I'm not normal is
because I "go with the flow."
He obviously does not know me very well.

I think I just knew there would be no second date
so I didn't care enough to be nervous.

He was a nice guy,
minus trying to define me,
but I don't think I can have feelings for anyone yet.

I know, oh woah is me.
So depressing.
But hey, give a girl a break.

No one likes seeing an ex with a new flame
all over Facebook
or know that this is the end of something
you held onto for so long.

I'm sad and I think that's okay.
At least for right now.

Life is beautiful and we get distracted by
small things we have no control over.

I've been lucky to find amazing people throughout my life.
Some are gone, some I've lost touch with
and some I've had a falling out with.

But they've all played a significant part and they've 
shaped things in my life, whether I realize or not.

We are all just trying to figure this world out
and sometimes it's not what you thought it would be,
even with the best, most thought out plans.

But everything happens for a reason.
Things will get easier.
I doubt I will ever enjoy dating
because it's just so awkward.

Or maybe I'm just awkward.

Until then, I'm going to focus on celebrating
25 wonderfully, ridiculous years of my life!

Ali's 25th Great Gatsby Bash here I come!

I love Leo...

The One Who Met Julie

Friends.
Can't live with them.
Can't imagine life without them.

Unless they are an ex.
Then maybe you could live without them.
Or at least without being Facebook friends.
You know, real friendship status.

The other kind of "Friends" I love
can be found on Netflix starting Jan 1st.

Well, there's a "Friends" episode 
where Rachel finally realizes she loves Ross.

Took her long enough…

Ross is coming back from China 
and Rachel decides to meet him at the airport 
to confess her love.

She sees him getting off the plane 
but there's a girl with him.

Julie.

Turns out Ross met someone. 
In China. 
And brought her back.

Rachel, obviously blind sided, 
gives one of the best lines I've heard from the show -

"Isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic?!"

Welcome to my life.

Yes, I actually got to say that line recently.

Why?

Oh, because my Ross found his Julie in China.

And they are now FBO. 

Yes, even the profile picture.

So, this makes me Rachel.

The girl who told him to go to China.

The one who thought it would work out when he came home.

Well, surprise!

We have a Julie.

I thought I was okay.

I thought I accepted that he met someone.

At least that's what my last blog post said.

Turn's out, 

I'm not okay.

You really don't realize how much someone means to you 

until they leave. And right now, I feel like I have nothing.

I lost my person.

My best friend.

My second family.

And now, a month after we decided to take some time apart,

after building something for seven years,

he's already found his Julie.

Someone he would rather talk to about life.

Share experiences with.

Be around and care about

It only took him a month.

And everyone who has reached out says,

"Go out and find someone better" 

"You should just Tinder."

Yeah, no.

I can't even imagine going on a date with someone.

It actually makes me cringe.

The definition of moving on should not be finding someone new.

It should be learning to love yourself 

without having someone there for you.

And that's what I'm trying to do.

Love myself and tell myself that I would need 

a hell of a lot longer than one month to get over this.

Because I do wear my heart on my sleeve.

I may be dead inside but I care so much about other people

that I would rather them be happy than me.

Thus, why I could never say anything bad about my Ross.

Yes, he broke my heart. 

To a point where I just feel nothing but pain.

I'm hurt that he could ever make me feel this way

because I thought it wasn't possible.

Because if someone truly cares about you, how could they do this?

How could they make you feel like nothing?

Like it was so easy for them to move on from you?

I honestly don't know or understand.

I'm still searching for answers.

I'm trying to focus on myself, family and friends

but of course with the holiday's creeping up on us

all I think about is the past.

It's like I'm morning the loss of someone,

which is really pathetic.

He's alive.

He's just living his life with someone else now.

His Julie.

Fucking Julie…

The One Who Left

"I'm sorry Ali…
but you told me to tell you if I met someone…and I did. 
I met her last week. Just wanted to tell you to be honest."

There's nothing worse than telling someone you love
to go on an adventure to find themselves
but they end up finding someone else.

I didn't really know how to process this one.
We had been on and off for almost 7 years
and now he was 15 hours away for 8 months.

After about a month of the long distance thing,
we decided to take a break.

Yes, so we could ultimately pull the whole
"WE WERE ON A BREAK!"
argument.

Which no one ever wins…

We thought it would be beneficial to take some time for ourselves
to really figure out what we wanted in life,
I mean, we're only in our mid-twenties.
AKA the most awkward time period ever.
Besides the early 90's.

He would find his work calling in life.
I would find ways to better like myself.
He would decide if he saw marriage in his future.
And I would figure out if he was the one I would marry.

Perfect plan. Perfect timing. Perfect situation.

HA! Silly Ali.
There's no such thing as perfect.

So, I cried. And I couldn't sleep. Or eat.
And I love eating -
to the point where it could be a serious problem for me one day.

Tough Mudder: What Was I Thinking?

Tough Mudder is the self-proclaimed

"toughest event on the planet."

I signed up for this.

I'm sitting on my couch.

Eating Reeses Peaces right now.

The event is tomorrow.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

For those of you not familiar with Tough Mudder, 

check out this very scary & intimidating video

Maybe I should have watched this before I signed up

or maybe I should have actually trained to run 10 miles

or maybe I should just stop being such a baby

when it comes to pushing myself to the limit...

But the limit is just so hard.

And not running is great.

Like, the best thing ever. 

Who actually enjoys running?!

No one.

Erin go Bragh!

As in Ireland Forever!

Pronounced Erin go bra.

Something to shout while you're at the bars tonight... 

(or this afternoon)

You're welcome.

Cheers & Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The One Who Games

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Mini Relation-Shit

Tonight everyone & their mom are out doing something random,
which left me at home to fend for myself.

Well of course I did not want to sit at home alone & do nothing!

So, I texted a good friend of mine 
to see if he wanted to chill and watch a movie. 

This was his response-

"I'm suppose to scrimmage with my clan sometime tonight."

I think I need to make more friends who don't game...

Friend-Shit much? 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

For those of you staying in tonight & stalking the internet

for entertaining content to distract you from

the Hallmark holiday, enjoy these memes...

The One Who Was OUR Valentine

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

Ladies & Gentlemen, 
I have found the perfect man!

He cooks, he looks good in a suit & he knows how to charm the ladies.

Who is this man you may ask?

None other than -
a guy I went to school with who probably doesn't want 
to be named in this flashback...

You may think I have found my one true love, 
but don't worry, he is still single actually taken these days.
Sorry.

But me & my meatball roommate were lucky enough to spend a

beautiful Valentine's Day with him 
when we thought we would be alone. 

It all started about a week ago when he posted on Facebook

"Any one free on Feb 14th? And a female?"

To which my roommate & I responded 

"Our entire Sideways household is! Do you cook?"

The One Who DGAF's

Today in a dressing room, this is what I overheard -

Girl #1: "I think I need a smaller size."

Girl #2: "Are you sure?"

Either she's a bitch of a friend
or the girlfriend we all want - an honest one.

When did it become too difficult to be honest with one another?
When we were children, out parents taught us
"If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I feel like that hindered our honesty as adults.
Let's say you move in with a not so clean roommate
& no one has the guts to say anything...
That means a year talking about it behind her back
& looking like bitches.

So, what's worse?
Being honest
or censoring yourself.

The One With the Hashtag Problem

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Remember this guy?
The one who thought I was sick? 

Well surprise, surprise! 
He actually contacted me again! 
4 days later...via text.

He started off with 'getting to know you' questions, 
but then things got interesting.
This is the charming conversation I was lucky enough to have with my bar boy:

Bar Boy: "I'm a Sonoma State legend"

"How so"

"Beats me. Some people have greatness thrust upon them..."

"Lucky you."

"I mean, I am really fucking cool. But it's not all I talk about"

Such a cool guy.
Can't wait to get to know him more!
And so the texts continues...

New Year - New Adventure: January

New Year's resolutions are a funny thing.
It's an automatic question you get after the New Year
but long forgotten by February. 

Well this year I'm changing things!
*Knock on wood*
I'm ACTUALLY going to keep my New Year's resolution
& so far, so good!

Here's a little refresher on my list I blogged about earlier -
Basically, I am doing something new every month
that I have always dubbed as "one day I'll do that."
Well, that day is sometime this year!

JANUARY: Learn to snowboard

The One Who Thought I Was Sick

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Ever since I got into the "real world,"

hitting the town is sadly not on my radar.

From those good old college days of going out every Thursday at 11PM

to going to bed at 11PM on a Thursday for work the next day...

Oh how life changes so quickly.

 BUT, my friend and I made the trek out to some bars last Friday night

 and man, did we make up for lost time!

With my friend being the sober driver, 
I was able to enjoy myself more than I should have.

A few drinks down and it was time to DANCE!

Now, as some of you know (or should be warned)

I am not a dancer, nor am I a good impersonator.

But that night? I was great!

Or so that is what I recall & choose to believe...

Dancing away, two guys came up to us & asked us to dance.

Cute huh? 
After getting our grove on for a while, it was time for us to peace out.

As I was about to leave, the guy asked for my number.
At this point in my life/dating life, I figure it couldn't hurt to try all my options-
So I started with my area code & he freaked out.

That Awkward Moment...

That awkward moment 

when the subject of a year long work project 

has a similar first name & the same exact last name 

as an ex-boyfriend...

How. Just how.

Yup, that will be a lovely reminder all year long!

Cheers 2014, 

for being a constant reminder of my relation-shits past!

Top Questions You Get When You Wear Glasses

Glasses.

It's a love/hate relationship.

I've been wearing glasses since the mid-90's

so you know I've rocked some great looks. 

Definitely a guy magnet.

Let. Me. Tell. You.

For as common as they seem to be,

people are fascinated with glasses

& love to ask random questions about them

as if they have never met someone wearing specs before...

So here are the Top 8 Questions 

I am constantly asked because I wear glasses!

8. Are they real?

Yes, yes they are real. I don't really understand this fad of wearing fake glasses. Especially the ones without lenses. At least make it look like you really wear glasses for the stereotypical idea that they make everyone look smarter.

The New Year's Resolution List

2013 went by too fast.
That's pretty much all I have to say on that.

While it flew by,
so much shit happened!

I moved from NorCal to SoCal.
Went from working at a multi-million dollar for-profit company
to working at a non-profit organization.
Started off living in my own apartment with a roommate
to living with my mother & step-dad.

I feel like a child.
But hey, at least I have free booze.

Reflecting on this past year opened my eyes a lot.
I have insecurities. I let other people's opinions affect me.
And I'm afraid to take chances & put myself out there.

Well, it's time to make 2014 the 
YEAR OF ALI!
Really it's just the year of trying new things, 
taking risks & just appreciating what life has to offer.

So, my New Year's challenge is as follows -
(and feel free to get in on this magic)