The One Who Games

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Mini Relation-Shit

Tonight everyone & their mom are out doing something random,
which left me at home to fend for myself.

Well of course I did not want to sit at home alone & do nothing!

So, I texted a good friend of mine 
to see if he wanted to chill and watch a movie. 

This was his response-

"I'm suppose to scrimmage with my clan sometime tonight."

I think I need to make more friends who don't game...

Friend-Shit much? 

The One Who Was OUR Valentine

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

Ladies & Gentlemen, 
I have found the perfect man!

He cooks, he looks good in a suit & he knows how to charm the ladies.

Who is this man you may ask?

None other than -
a guy I went to school with who probably doesn't want 
to be named in this flashback...

You may think I have found my one true love, 
but don't worry, he is still single actually taken these days.
Sorry.

But me & my meatball roommate were lucky enough to spend a

beautiful Valentine's Day with him 
when we thought we would be alone. 

It all started about a week ago when he posted on Facebook

"Any one free on Feb 14th? And a female?"

To which my roommate & I responded 

"Our entire Sideways household is! Do you cook?"

The One With the Hashtag Problem

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Remember this guy?
The one who thought I was sick? 

Well surprise, surprise! 
He actually contacted me again! 
4 days later...via text.

He started off with 'getting to know you' questions, 
but then things got interesting.
This is the charming conversation I was lucky enough to have with my bar boy:

Bar Boy: "I'm a Sonoma State legend"

"How so"

"Beats me. Some people have greatness thrust upon them..."

"Lucky you."

"I mean, I am really fucking cool. But it's not all I talk about"

Such a cool guy.
Can't wait to get to know him more!
And so the texts continues...

The One Who Thought I Was Sick

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Ever since I got into the "real world,"

hitting the town is sadly not on my radar.

From those good old college days of going out every Thursday at 11PM

to going to bed at 11PM on a Thursday for work the next day...

Oh how life changes so quickly.

 BUT, my friend and I made the trek out to some bars last Friday night

 and man, did we make up for lost time!

With my friend being the sober driver, 
I was able to enjoy myself more than I should have.

A few drinks down and it was time to DANCE!

Now, as some of you know (or should be warned)

I am not a dancer, nor am I a good impersonator.

But that night? I was great!

Or so that is what I recall & choose to believe...

Dancing away, two guys came up to us & asked us to dance.

Cute huh? 
After getting our grove on for a while, it was time for us to peace out.

As I was about to leave, the guy asked for my number.
At this point in my life/dating life, I figure it couldn't hurt to try all my options-
So I started with my area code & he freaked out.

The One Who WAS Single

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Not too long ago I wrote a blog about my brother 
joining the single world. 

Finally, I had another person to understand me during family events 

because every person in my family has a significant other.

A few weekends ago, my family traveled to 
wonderfully secluded Bishop, CA. 

My Uncle, not having a Facebook, 
thus not keeping up to date on the family gossip,
was not aware of my brothers recent breakup-

The One Who Wanted A Sugar Baby

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Time for another round of online dating 

"Did he really just message me that?!"

Yes, I am still participating in online dating shenanigans,

but I'm not as deticated as I used to be. 

It's just so much work to create compelling conversations via messaging, 

plus first dates make me want to puke.

But, I'm young, I'm figuring out my life and 

I'm ready to make awkward choices with my dating adventures. 

Why stop now? Right?

Once again I began the search for my online dating Prince Charming

and I ran into some interesting contenders... 

The One Who Likes Smart

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

 It's been about 2 months of online dating, 
give or take, 

and I have survived four dates thus far.

They have consisted of beer, coffee, coffee, and coffee.

As well as admitting to an emotional side... 

Now, I am all for guys opening up and expressing their emotions, 

but when it comes to movies, 
maybe don't admit on the 1st date that you cried more in 
Les Misérables than your sister.

I appreciate the honesty 
BUT I also appreciate some mystery in a date.

And while overall it went well and he was a great guy,

I also just got a few new messages in my inbox and

I mean, when I get a message like this, 

how could I not want to meet up with this guy?!

"Hey girl hey. I am a shirtless buff guy who likes glasses and names that start with the letter A (because it's first)."

What a charmer...and shirtless? 

Hell yeah!
Plus, it sounds like I am his perfect girl.

Now for his profile- What he is looking for:

"A 6'4 Amazon woman capable of crushing my body 
whilst in the throes of an erotic experience. 

Or smart. I like smart."

I mean, I think I qualify for one of those.

So, he's saying there's a chance...

The One Who Was Not My Superman

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

When a guy calls you Lois Lane, 
grabs your hand to runs it down his wash board abs 

and makes you check out his intense arm muscles, 
just walk away...

Yes, of course I experienced this a few nights ago and 

was once again thrown under the bus. 

My guy friend was witness to all of this and did nothing! 

Instead he just laughed and said- 

"Yeah you are Lois Lane!"

To which I replied and a snarky manor,

"But you are not my Superman!"

MISTAKE!!

The One Who Left Me On A Curb

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Once again, I have encountered another relation-shit.

How they keep finding me, I have no idea. 

But hey, at least it makes for good stories. 

Am I right?

It all started while I was visiting a friend in Northern California. 

I met (what I thought) was the "perfect guy." 

An anti-relation-shit. 

Someone who would break the trend I am so good at following.

We hit it off after we realized our mutual love and obsession for Eminem

(the rapper, not the candy),

and we knew we would get along just fine.

Plus he was not horrible to look at and had my same sarcastic humor.
The kind most guys just can't keep up with.

So while my friend was at work, this boy was nice enough to hang out with me. 

We went to the local dairy farm and got some ice cream. 

So far so good with this one,
but then he gets a call from his ex...

The One Who Wanted To Be Blogged

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

The other night I ventured out to the bars.

So while in one of the bars, a member of my class approached me,
slightly very wasted

and told me he wanted to be in my blog.

Boy: "Can I take you out on a date and then you can write about it in your blog?!"

Me: "What?"

"Your blog is one of the blog's I actually read each week!"

 "Thank you but why would you want to go on a date and 

hope it's a good Relation-Shit story?"

"I'll take you out to Chili's and buy you a margarita!"

When someone asks you out on a date
so they can end up in a Relation-Shit blog, 

you can only imagine what kind of date it will be...

The One Who Bailed On Formal

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

Ok, when I say ONE I really mean FIVE...
In honor of formal season coming up- take note.

Being in a sorority has its perks, 
like being able to go to formals again.

While they are the highlight of the year, 

they come with some damn stressful situations. 

Like, oh I don't know,
 finding a date!

I have learned a lot through this recent formal season,
 especially when it comes to reserving a date...

Yeah, reserving one because apparently once you hit "adulthood"
no one can make a commitment to being your date like in High School.

Here are some things I have learned through this process 
that those attending formal might want to look out for-

Five People To Avoid Asking To Formal:

1. If they have to ask their mother, 
chances are they cannot attend...

2. If the first thing they ask you is if they will be spending the night, 
chances are they will be groping you all night...

3. If they hesitate when you bring up the idea of formal, 
chances are it's not their scene...

The One With The Best Pick Up Line

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

Location: Small town bar. 

Targets: Me and my roommate.

Pickup Line: One for the record books-

Sitting at a table drinking some beers,
my roommate and I were approach by a cute boy.

Thinking he will pull the usually
"Do you go to school around here" line, 

we were not mentally prepared for the direction it went.

Boy: "Hey ladies! So who are you going to vote for in the 2012 elections?"

With confused,
"I am not sure where this came from" looks on our faces, 

my roommate took one for the team.

The wrong team...

"Ummmm, Joe Biden"

Boy: "The Vice President? OK..."

And then there's me...

The One Who Ordered Diet

FLASHBACK FRIDAY

My roommates and I 
obviously do not have the best of luck with guys. 

But, I have good news this time!

FINALLY, one of my roommates found a nice guy! 

He is cute, polite and just a genuine person. 

Yes, they do exist at our school! 

Shocker, I know.

There was only one problem with this guy…
he ordered the wrong soda.

Say whaaaaa?!
Let me explain the breakdown of the date 
as told by my roommate-

"First we get into his car and there's no music! How awkward is that?!! 
So we just made random small talk but it got worse..."

With confused looks on our faces, 
my roommates and I waited to hear what happened next-

The One Without Boundaries

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

This particular one involves my younger brother,
who has not learned the meaning of personal space or boundaries. 

So I guess with this situation it is a sibling-shit,

and when I say shit, I mean literally... 

I was brushing my teeth in our shared bathroom

and my brother walks in.

Pulls down his pants, 

And sits on the toilet. 

Tooth brush still in mouth I yell,   

"Are you taking a shit while I am in here brushing my teeth?!?!" 

My brother: 

"Yes, now can you please get out so I can have some privacy?" 

"What the hell?!?! That's disgusting! I'm brushing my teeth!" 

"Well you should have thought about doing that after I was done..." 

Trying to run out of the death trap as fast as I could,  

I ran to my room to tell my friend what just happened to me. 

Her response,

"Man I'm glad I don't have to live here..."

This is my life. 

A brother I have to live with who does not 

give a shit about my personal bubble.

Anyone looking for a roommate?

The One Who Made Out With My Forehead

This may be a little late...BUTTTT
FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Yes, the title explains it all.

No, I did not see it coming.

Yes, alcohol was involved (on his part).

And no, that was not the only ridiculous thing he did that night.

Let me tell you a little about my friend- 

He is far from a ladies man but somehow he manages to get 

with a new girl at every party... 

Strange, I know. 
Boggles my mind.

Unfortunately for me, there were no single girls at 
my roommates 21st Birthday Bash. 

That left me as his target...

Ridiculous Moment #1:

Friend: "Ali, I'm going to talk to you about random things to

distract you from when I do this-" 

The One Who Kidnapped Me

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

At my college, we have the ever so wonderful ratio of 

70% female and 30% male students. 

Being the straight female that I am, 
it leaves little wiggle room in my dating pool.

But luck was on my side last year when I found myself a man, 
I mean a boy...

I admired him from afar in my Philosophy class and 

thanks to my charming personality, he was doing the same. 

We all know what the next step is after determining there's a spark.
 You make the friendship Facebook official!

This all basically lead up to our first date. 

Make that our ONLY date.