The One Who Humped My Car

I mean, at least it wasn't me...

You guessed it!

Alcohol was involved with this one.

But when is alcohol not involved in Relation-Shits?

The humping began earlier that night

at a popular piano bar called Howl at the Moon.

It was our friends birthday, the drinks were flowing,

the music was bumping and I was DD...

It really turned out to be the best thing

because I remember EVERYTHING

that everyone didn't want to.

And when I say everyone, 

I mean one person.

The Humper.

It began with buckets full of hard alcohol

and a chair.

The poor chair.

He just started humping it to the beat of the music.

Then he picked it up and started humping it more.

And then security had to step in and

ask him nicely to stop humping the chair.

But that wasn't the end of it.

He also humped the air.

Which some may call "dancing."
He just happened to be doing it on the stage,
by himself.

And then, when it was time to go,

he still needed his fix.

Enter, my car.

Climbing on top of it in the parking garage

he began to hump.

And then I tried to pull him off...

Didn't work too well.

He finally jumped off only to block traffic

in the garage.

 Finally, in the car and on the 30 minute car ride home,

I hear-

"Does anyone have a barf bag?"

Brakes slammed.

Door pushed open.

And puke started flying on the side of the freeway.

I was one lucky DD that night
to have only a bit of spit inside my car...

But being the good friend that he is,
cleaned it up the next day
and enjoyed listening to all of the humping stories.

Considering he didn't remember anything
after the point that we ate...
Which was only an hour into the night.

But there is a positive side to all of this-

I now have a DD next time I go out!

And a video of the chair humping

to watch over, and over, and over again...

Cheers!