The One Who Ruined The First Date

FLASHBACK FRIDAY!

Ever been shit-faced on a first date?

No? 
Well that makes one of us...

Who does that?! 

I mean really, why would you show your drunk ass bitch side
in front of a potential second date? 

Well, unfortunately I'm not as smart as I look,

(it's the glasses, I know, they're deceiving) 

and I had a little too much "fun" on a date a friend set me up on.

So this is how the story goes- 
My friend and his wife had the great idea to set me up with their friend 

because my love life basically consisted of relation-shits.

Advice for a first date:
Don't go to a beer festival followed by three bars. 

Drinking too much on the first date may cause you to do things 
you regret the next day. 

Just saying.

Needless to say, we went to a beer festival. 

And when I say we, I mean my date and my friend. 

Yup, last minute my friends wife was not able to make it to our double date. 

After going through about 15 different types of beer and 
trying to get in between the boys long enough to fit in awkward 
"first date" conversation, we decided to do what else? 

Drink more!

We headed to a bar and that is where the trouble started.

Ignored by my date,

I began to bond with bar people...

When you bond with bar people,
they tend to want to buy you double shots to celebrate the new found friendship. 

I became a victim of this ritual.

After some drinks, we moved onto the next bar
where it really all went down hill.

 My date vanished 
never to be seen or heard from again... 

Then I tried to flash the bartender.
Fact.

I just really wanted a drink and the line was too long 

so I figured I would use what my mamma gave me to cut the line.

Apparently that is frowned upon in real life as opposed to movies.

Thankfully my friend stopped me before I could make that mistake 

but the bouncer saw my failed attempt and figured it was time for me to leave.

So he kicked me out.

Not fully understanding what being kicked out meant, 

I tried to get back in past the bouncer-

"You can't go back in the bar Miss."

Whipping out my drivers license I said-

"But I have my ID!"

He did not take too kindly to that and suggested my friend take me home.

After attempting to pee in a bush by a cop, 

my friend successfully dropped me off at my apartment in one piece.

Some how I climbed three flights of stairs to my apartment
just in time for me to become friendly with my toilet.  

But not before my key became a victim itself. 

Not sure how this went down, but may it rest in peace. 

The bright side of it all is that I made it home!

The downsides however over shadow the up sides unfortunately. 

Relation-shits happen but it's these shitty moments that 
make you truly appreciate your friends
who will put up with drunk ass bitches and 

make sure they don't do anything to ruin their reputation or dignity. 

So while I may have ruined a first date, 
I did gain a better friendship in the end!

Update:
A few weeks after this blog, a friend decided to coin the term-
"Let's party like it's a first date!"
Now he says this every time we go to a party...My life.

Original Post Date: 4/5/11